Monsters Remixed: Humans

Here is the last of the monsters remixed! This series started in October 2011 with Slimes, Molds and Jellies. So it's about time I finished it. The goal behind this series was to mix things up for the benefit of both the players and the DM while using the basic building blocks of the original dungeon monsters to arrive at creatures that may be a little weird and different but still feel like archetypes.
Magic items and Treasure for all of these creatures can be generated with another quick roll of a handful of dice with this: Treasure Hoards and Magic Items The other Monster Remixes are in the links to the right.

The way this works is you roll 1D4, 1D6, 1D8, 1D10, 1D12 and 1D20 all at the same time and write down the results: Cavemen who are also religious wackos and who are lead by a thief! or a group of heavy cavalry lead by a Magic-User who are hiding for some reason, or unarmed berzerkers with a bunch of followers! Who are these people? why are they following around berzerkers? why don't the berzerkers have any weapons? Maybe the berzerkers are just regular guys from one clan who were fed psychotropic fruit by a bunch of guys from another clan (the followers) who are daring them to do stupid stuff and laughing about it, or maybe there in the middle of some kind of weird berserker annual ritual or coming of age ceremony, or maybe the berzerkers are ladies with some kind of low grade lycanthropy that only effects ladies (a curse!) and the followers are their families, or...

Download here!

Pangolin Class

To celebrate the passage of I 1401, here is a character race/class for your fantasy adventure games:

Pangolin
Pangolins are about half the size of humans with long snouts and even longer tongues. They are covered in scales, a form of natural armor. Pangolin Player Characters can of course walks and talk essentially just like humans.

Pangolins can't use large weapons and they can't see well enough to use ranged weapons, however they can attack with their claws and tail for D4 damage.

XP as Halfling
HD as Halfling
Save as Halfling
Combat as Halfling/Fighter
Special Abilities: Pangolins can Climb (96%) and Hear Noise (1/4) as a 10th level Thief. They have natural armor that functions as Scale Mail (AC 16/4) They can also curl into a ball and when doing so may add their level to their AC. Upon reaching Level 2 Pangolins may roll their normal movement rate when curled in a ball like Samus from Metroid.

Pangolins may advance to 8th Level when they may build a sweet tree fort or dig a secret lair. At that time 3d6 Level 1 Pangolins will come hang out and eat bugs with the PC.

The Devil's Sword

I recently watched The Devil's Sword. I picked it up because the back of the box called it "One of the triumphs of Indonesian fantasy cinema." I recommend this flick for it is a mighty bounty of D&D-able moments. 

It starts of with a comet falling and an old guy with a (wolf?) head staff makes a sword out of glowing ore from the comet. He puts a wolf head pommel on the sword. Banyunjaga (below) has a pair of swords with croc head pommels. I think all of the swords used by the main characters have animal head pommels. Who needs detect magic or identify when all you need to do is look to see if it's got an animal on the pommel?

THE CROCODILE QUEEN:

She emerges from water with her servants after a red cloth flies out of water. Her servants wrap her in the red cloth and when they unwrap her she’s magically wearing fancy clothes. Do your NPCs do things like that? They should.

There’s a cage of cannibals just kind of randomly placed in a corner of the Crocodile Queen’s Chamber. What could go wrong there?

The Crocodile Queen has a white leather couch and the back of it looks like a white leather crocodile. This couch is really a marvel to behold. Look, this is a silly movie. but if your open to the kind of aesthetic experience exemplified by this couch then you'll get a lot out of it.

Really you will.

BANYUNJAGA:

He's a warrior who serves the Crocodile Queen. He emerges from exploding rocks laughing maniacally, then kicks a boulder, jumps on it and flies to where he wants to go, laughing maniacally the whole time. This is how you do NPCs.

There he goes. Hahahaha!

Other times he just pops up out of the earth. Is that a thing in martial arts movies or Indonesian mythology? Other characters do that to, including the crocodile men.

 Crocodile men are always lookin' for a tussle.

THE BRIDE AND THE OLD WOMAN:

Banyunjaga breaks up a wedding party and it’s the bride who has a big fight with him while the groom waits on the sidelines/hides. In this movie the female characters duke it out along with the guys, they are generally interesting and have agency though things don't end well for most of them.

This lady is a bad-ass.

There’s a lot of really truly crazy martial arts action. The bride makes this whirlwind/wind gust attack by spinning a parasol. One guy's weapon is a hat on a string. Banyunjaga does this decapitating scissor attack with his two swords that's pretty great, and I'm not even going to tell you what the old lady does.

There's a fight outside of the cave where the Devil Sword is just to see who gets to into the cave. That is definitely something I'm going to use. Before the fight one guy magically creates graves for the others just to show how hardcore he is, which should be a thing you can do in D&D. It's easy enough for the DM to throw in little magical or quasi-magical flourishes like this for the NPCs but I think the PCs should have a way to do it to. Depending on the flavor of your game everyone could do it, only characters of a certain level, or only M-Us and again depending on the desired flavor this could be a "signature move" or something like the above example that is clearly magical.

The evil warriors refer to themselves as "The Evil Warriors"

There are a LOT of headbands. Seriously. All of the main characters have headbands. Most of the extras have headbands too. I think the Director sent out a memo that said if you showed up to the set with a headband you got to say a line in the movie. All kinds of headbands. Skinny headbands. Thick headbands. Bejeweled headbands. Spangled metallic headbands. Clean headbands. Dirty headbands. Multi-colored headbands. A headband that hides an obviously false bald head. There's different headbands for different occasions. You've got your general purpose headband for fighting and such. You've got a headband for gettin' it on. Then maybe another headband for gettin' it on underwater. Devil Sword the RPG would definitely need a random headband table.

"Old woman, there is room for only one tiger in this jungle." (actual quote)

"I brought my jeweled headband, did you bring yours?" (not an actual quote)

BARBARIAN FIRE WIZARD

Wait, was that Conan shooting a fireball in that ridiculous picture in that last post a while back?

Why yes it was.

Here's a new class for Swords and Shenanigans or Lamentations of the Flame Barbarian or Labyrinths and Lizards that uses those Magic Words we were talking about:

BARBARIAN FIRE WIZARD

Prime Requisite: Strength and Charisma
Save as: Fighter
Hit Dice: as Fighter
Weapons: as Fighter
Armor: Leather, wool or none
Spell Progression: as Cleric, but can only cast spells that have FIRE in the name. No spells at first level means your BARBARIAN FIRE WIZARD just has to set fires the old fashioned way.
XP Progression: as Dwarf.
Special: Barbarian reflexes. +1 to AC per level up to double Charisma modifier.

Spells particularly suited to this class:

1	Charm	Fire	Allows the caster to control existing fires.
2	Hold	Fire	Allows the caster to grasp smoke as if it were solid.
3	Fire	Force	creates a disc of fire that does d6 damage per level and lasts as long as the caster charges forward.
4	Protection (from)	Fire	The caster is unharmed by fire for one day per level.
5	Read	Fire	burning a person's belonging allows the caster to divine one fact about them.
6	Fire	Portal	The caster can thrust or throw something into one fire and it will come out another.
7	Fire	Missile	The caster may fire one missile per level. Roll to hit. Damage is 1d6(+1 per level) plus ongoing flame damage. The spell starts a fire if it misses.
8	Ride	Fire	The caster may disappear into a fire and remain in it for up to 1 hour per level.

There are some more great fire related spells in this.

4 YEARS

Happy 4 year Anniversary to me/this place/thing!

Built By Gods Long Forgotten: another place for stupid shit on the internet since 2011.

Back to the Ol' Magic Word Rodeo

I've been thinking some more about magic words.

Over at d4 Caltrops there are a couple of lists of words - one from standard spell lists and one list of "weird" words.  Adding the weird word list is a really nice touch.  I like how one word like "Fungal" can tilt a Magic-Users spellbook in a whole new direction.

LS's idea to incorporate these magic word combinations by allowing a M-U PC to propose one new spell at the end of each session is pretty much perfect as is.  At character generation you can choose or roll up spells however you normally would so as to not slow down the char-gen process. The DM can then use the magic words from the d4 Caltrop lists as treasure to add to a wizards repertoire after the game is kicked off.

The level One spells listed as magic words could look like this:

1	Charm	Person
2	Detect	Magic
3	Floating	Force
4	Hold	Portal
5	Magic	Light
6	Magic	Missile
7	Protect (ion from)	Evil
8	Read	Language
9	Read	Magic
10	Person (al)	Force
11	Magic	Sleep
12	Unseen	Voice

I took Parker's suggestion to make "Ventriloquism" "Unseen Voice" instead, and changed "Disc" to the more generic "Force". The Shield spell is now "Personal Force" (I like this because it draws a connection between those two spells which really seem like the same spell just cast vertically or horizontally and also kinda explains why they are two different spells)

If you did want to give beginning M-U characters the option to use Magic Words in a more free form style but still be limited to the first level spell list you could do it like this:

1	Charm
2	Detect
3	Floating
4	Hold
5	Magic
6	Force
7	Protect (from)
8	Read
9	Portal
10	Person
11	Light
12	Unseen
13	Missile
14	Evil
15	Language
16	Sleep
17	Voice
18	Phantasm
19	Fire
20	Ride

The Moldvay Basic level one spell list has 17 words in it.  I added the last three words based on what I thought looked good from the AD&D and 3e spell lists.  "Ride Phantasm" is what I've renamed the Mount spell. I never really liked the Mount spell, but Ride Phantasm sounds awesome: 

Alternately you could break the words down by the part of speech:

VERB
1	Charm
2	Detect
3	Hold
4	Protection from
5	Read
6	Ride

ADJECTIVE
1	Floating
2	Magic
3	Unseen
4	Phantasmal

NOUN
1	Magic
2	Force
3	Portal
4	Person
5	Light
6	Missile
7	Evil
8	Language
9	Sleep
10	Voice
11	Phantasm
12	Fire

Are magic words hiding in your crappy spell lists?

"Irrational thoughts should be followed absolutely and logically"
-Sol Lewitt

LS had a cool idea. I liked it enough that I took the spell list for first level Magic-Users from Moldvay and started rearranging. Then today he said magic words are hiding in the dictionary. Of course they are!

But back to Moldvay:

These are color coded:

green = The ones that I think are the most promising, or in other words, that I could actually think of a spell for.

grey = In the book!

Are there great spells in here that I'm missing?

charm	person	In the book!
charm	magic	Counterspell – cast as a quick reaction against an attack spell.  Time slows for the Caster and the spell only. The Caster has 5 seconds to convince the spell to do what he wants, then the DM makes a reaction roll to see what it does.
charm	disc
charm	portal	A door that this spell is cast on will open,shut,lock, or unlock anytime in the future in the presence of the caster or one other person. Permanent.
charm	light
charm	missile
charm	evil
charm	languages	I want this to do something cool but I’m not sure what yet.
charm	shield
charm	sleep	When cast on a person as they go to sleep they will sleep incredibly soundly and either: not wake up until forcibly shaken no matter how long they lay there, or in the morning they’ll gain 1d6 HP.
charm	ventriloquism
detect	person	Caster knows the direction of the target for the duration of the spell.  Must have a personal item of the target.
detect	magic	In the book!
detect	disc	Those wily discs can be hard to find. Maybe this could be used to find coins?
detect	portal	Find secret doors.
detect	light	If cast while lost in a cave this spell will whisper the direction of the above ground world until the caster finds it.
detect	missile	Caster cannot be surprised attacked with missile weapons. Is dispelled after the first time anyone does try to ambush them.
detect	evil	Caster knows who the bad guys are.
detect	languages
detect	shield
detect	sleep
detect	ventriloquism
floating	person	Kind of a lame levitate spell?
floating	magic	This spell needs a random table to see what it does.
floating	disc	In the book!
floating	portal	This is where the floating magic comes from.
floating	light
floating	missile	The summoned “missile” hovers at the Magic-User’s shoulder and will strike back at any creature that attacks and hits the magic-user with an equivalent attack. (both roll and damage)
floating	evil	Summons a bad feeling that hangs in the air. A dark cloud. Demon whispers. 120’ range. 30’ diameter area of effect. Everyone effected must make a reaction roll -1 and will be at best grouchy and at worst argumentative or outright physically combative.
floating	languages
floating	shield
floating	sleep
floating	ventriloquism	Like regular ventriloquism, but better because it can move around?
hold	person	In a book, but not the one I used to make this list.
hold	magic	Counterspell - cast as a quick reaction against an attack spell. Both casters are locked in concentration. Neither the attacker nor the caster can move or take any other action until the attacker concedes and cancels the original spell.  Each round both casters can attempt to throw another spell by successfully saving vs. magic - the opponents level.
hold	disc
hold	portal	In the book!
hold	light
hold	missile	Freeze an arrow, spear, etc. in mid-air.
hold	evil
hold	languages
hold	shield
hold	sleep	Target of the spell does not require sleep for a number of days equal to the Caster’s current Hit Points.
hold	ventriloquism
magic	person	Target of spell can punch or otherwise physically interact with creatures that can only be hit by magic weapons, incorporeal creatures, etc.
magic	magic	Yes.
magic	disc
magic	portal
magic	light
magic	missile	In the book!
magic	evil
magic	languages
magic	shield	Ensorcels a mundane shield. +1 per caster level for 1 turn or +1 for number of turns equal to caster level. It’s a tough call for the Level 1 Magic-User.
magic	sleep
magic	ventriloquism
protection from	person	Creates a magic barrier that prevents any one person from touching or attacking the Caster.
protection from	magic	Sounds handy.
protection from	disc
protection from	portal
protection from	light	The target of this spell may Hide in Shadows as a 9th level Thief (4/6 chance of success) until the next sunset or sunrise.
protection from	missile
protection from	evil	In the book!
protection from	languages	Renders any one intelligent creature dumb as an animal. Make a reaction roll to see if they are helpful, peaceful, skittish, defensive, or aggressive.
protection from	shield
protection from	sleep
protection from	ventriloquism	This spell shouldn’t be allowed because it will encourage power gaming.
read	person
read	disc
read	portal	This spell will provide the Caster with a detailed description of what is on the other side of a magic portal.
read	light
read	missile
read	evil
read	languages	In the book!
read	magic	In the book!
read	shield
read	sleep	Allows you to see what someone is dreaming?
read	ventriloquism

"Ventriloquism" and "Disc" are reeeeally hard to combine with other words to make cool spells. No disrespect to Floating Disc at all, I love that spell, but I just can't fathom how or why you would charm, detect, read or really do any thing to or with a disc.

"Charm", "Magic", "Person", "Protection from", those are way easy to combine with other words and come up with good spells.

This was a fun experiment and in my mind worth it for the counterspells Charm Magic and Hold Magic alone. I would not have thought of those with out this kind of process.